Me at the cafe, blogging; using the sepia-tone effect because that's the only fancy treatment I know

I’m now an official blogger. I wonder if I have to get registered? Maybe I need to get tagged…or branded?

Sorry, I’ve gotten ahead of myself. My name is Dave Thornton. I’m a stand-up comedian and for the next month I’ll be blogging my musings, experiences and pseudo-humorous jokes about the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Now you’re thinking: ‘what makes you a qualified blogger MR Thornton?’ OK, a) No need to use capitals in an aggressive manner, person-I-made-up; and b) I’m a comedian, an attention-seeker and a person who stands on a soapbox for an hour a night, so blogging is just another way to gain the attention I so desperately seek.

Blogging license approved.

Sorry, what’s that? Yeah, I’ve got a show on at the festival, thanks for asking. It’s called ‘The Some of All the Parts’. The show revolves entirely around an experience I had last year when I had to stand in front of a class of 12-year-olds and tried to inspire them. How do you inspire 12-year-olds? What do they care about inspiration? I felt like crossing out my entire CV and replacing it with ‘Quiddich champion’.

I’ve also got a nice review quote on my poster that’s taken from The Scotsman newspaper in the UK. It reads: ‘Don’t miss this’, followed by four stars. I initially thought that read quite well. Then after printing a thousand copies I realised having that particular quote followed by four stars doesn’t so much look like a four-star review, but more like the stars are filling in for a four-letter word that you can’t print on a poster: ‘Don’t miss this (#@%’. Great start to the festival, Thorno.

So, twice a week for the next four weeks, I’ll be QWERTYing my way through the Comedy Festival. Drop by, stay a while. Let’s get our blog on.